Friday, November 25, 2011

Broken Hearts and Battle Cries

It’s strange to think back to where I was at one year ago. Over Thanksgiving then I was fasting and struggling with my ‘thorn’, my thinning hair.  I hate having to confess it continues to be a struggle for me, but the truth is, it does.

I don’t know I’ll ever be able to embrace it, but that’s okay as the nature of a thorn is not to be embraced.  Instead, I continue to pray God will use the insecurity it gives me to soften me, and cause me to lean more and more into His grace and strength.

A year ago, I was just beginning to process the reality of leaving all I knew.  Facing support-raising, packing, saying goodbyes.  Of trying to be equipped through mission training and language school.  Of finding a home, car, my place in the DR…
What a journey God has led me on!  As I look back, I can truly say my heart is full of thanksgiving.  Not because it’s all been easy.  It’s still not.  In fact, right now, it feels like the ‘real’ work is beginning. 
When I interviewed, Nate and Lowell asked me what I wanted God to do in me as I ministered here.  Without thinking, I said the first thing that popped into my mind, “Break my heart for what breaks Yours” which is part of a praise song called Hosanna by Hillsong.    

A year ago I was digesting coming here.  Now, I’m learning to digest the reality of staying.  On short-term trips, I brushed the surface of issues, and then left.  Yes, my heart was touched, but simply touched. 
Now, my heart is being pierced and penetrated.  I shared some of the issues we’re facing on our Social Work site blog  The problems are oppressively big, without simple solutions.  Friends, my heart is being broken, sometimes multiple times in one day!
But in the brokenness, I’ve been hearing a whisper, growing louder with each passing week.  The noise is resolving itself into a clear battle cry.  A cry to join in the fight for God’s beloved children in El Callejon.  I know talk about battles is not always welcome, but what other word fits?

The longer I’m here, the more convinced I am that Satan wants El Callejon for himself.  To me, it says that Satan sees something about El Callejon worth fighting for.  Do I?  The fact that he’s fighting so dirty says he sees there’s a threat to his control.  Do I? 
Am I clothing myself each morning in the Armor of God so that I can stand firm against the attacks of the enemy of El Callejon? 
Oh, Father, the things going on in El Callejon surely must break Your heart.  Thank you for the privilege of having my heart break, too, as You continue to work in me, transforming me. 

Please give Daisy and me Your strength, courage and perseverance in this battle.  Thank you that we fight not for victory, but in victory - in the victory Jesus has already won.  Holy Spirit, remind us of that truth each day.  Teach us how to stand not in our own strength, but in Yours alone.

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