New Friends and Phrases - & Photos!

June 28:  I’m sitting on my new bed in my new bedroom after finishing up a great conversation with my new housemates.  I woke up today to sunshine!  It was the first day since arriving that I could see the large volcano just south of the city.  My maestra, Rosa Maria, and I sat outside on the roof so I could see the view.    

Volcano just south of the city (taken outside my front door).

Today I learned the words for the parts of the body.  Then we started talking about food – vegetables, fruits, herbs & spices.  I learned all about what is grown here in Guatemala, and what is exported from other countries.  Those of you who know me know I love food, especially anything ethnic, so it was a very enjoyable lesson!

View from roof of my school.  Rosa Maria is on the left.

The sun stayed out most of the morning, and the clouds that rolled in didn’t start to pour down rain until around 5pm.  This afternoon our school offered a tour of the local hospital.  The outside of the building is painted yellow, and is big and forbidding.  I wasn’t sure what to expect on the inside. 



This sign made me smile.  It is on the outside of the hospital.  The walls are very thick, so it's doubtful any noise would get through!



On the one hand, it was very sad because it was filled with patients with a lot of need.  There were separate wards for women, men, kids, and babies, with physical disabilities, mental illness, etc.  The hardest to see were the babies who live at the hospital because their families have abandoned them because of their disabilities. 

But, the inside was bright and clean and cheerful.  Each area had a lovely courtyard filled with flowers.  You could tell the staff is very committed to their work.  The hospital was founded by Franciscan monks and is one of the best in the country.  They have a lot of volunteer specialists come down from the U.S.  to provide free surgeries, supplies, etc.

I was impressed with how careful they are with the patients – signs are posted everywhere in English and Spanish requesting that no photos are taken.  When we went into the areas with the children, we were not to reach out and touch them.  It was hard not to, but one wouldn’t be permitted to walk through an American hospital randomly approaching the little ones there!

Chris and Mike left today, and a couple, Haley and Miles, moved into my old room.  They will be volunteering with Common Hope, the same group the guys were with.  They are newlyweds (as in June 17!) and are very cool.  It sounds like they attend a really great, mission-minded church back home.  Haley is a Spanish-minor, which makes me happy because I’m hoping she will be able to help me communicate with Dona Cristi as my Spanish improves.  Haley has been to Guatemala several times, starting when she was only nine!  They will be here for 4-5 weeks, which is awesome!  I’m hoping we can do some exploring together.

My new room looking out on the back courtyard.

Looking from the back of my house.  My door is in the forefront
on the left, the kitchen is to the right, the dining room is down the hall
on the right. 

Before they came, I packed up my stuff and moved across the hall and down a little to Mike’s room.  This room is smaller, but because it only has one bed (full, not twin!), it actually seems more roomy.  The room has a nice-sized table and bigger night stand, too.  I’m hoping this is my last move while I’m here. 

This room’s window looks out onto the courtyard area at the back of the house.  It’s interesting that each room has glass windows in the walls.  I guess since there are no outside windows (since it is between two other places) it helps with light and makes it feel less closed in.  The windows can be closed or opened, and have curtains for privacy. 

After dinner I’ve got some homework again.  I think we’ll get some each day.  At first I thought four hours a day wasn’t enough, but I’m finding my brain pretty tired by noon!  This week I’m trying to get into a routine and really learn my way around the city.  Next week I’d like to start exploring possibilities for volunteering, with Students International or elsewhere (like at the hospital). 

In some ways, it seems like a dream that I’m actually here.  Already, each day there have been lots of new and different faces, voices, sights, experiences.  Each day, I hope I’ll be a little more familiar with the city, the streets, the shops, the rhythm of life here.  And, each day, I pray I’ll be able to understand a little more of what it being said around me.  It’s a lot to take in, but I’m so very thankful that God has allowed me to be here!

Until next time! 

A Bit about Antigua

June 27:  Hello, again!  It’s the rainy season here, and that means it either pours all night and all day, all night and part of the day, or part of the night and all of the day!  I’m so thankful to have packed my cheery melon-colored raincoat – and umbrella (a paragua if you’re a guy, and a sombrilla if you’re a gal.)   

Antigua is a very old city (I believe it was first established in the 1600’s).  There have been several earthquakes, some of the most severe in the 1700’s. 



Central Park area in the center of town. 
My school is north, where I live is south of it. 



The buildings remind me of what I imagine Ancient Rome looked like. 



The Outside of Mi Casa - #27 Second Ave.


On the outside are block-long buildings with, large, forbidding fronts, iron-barred small balconies and huge windowless doors.  Inside you can glimpse courtyards of lovely flowers, stores selling everything from food to jewelry to clothing, restaurants of every kind, and of course, the individual homes.   The streets here are cobblestone, which makes for rather tricky walking, especially when the rain is pouring down.  There are a lot of old buildings, including several cathedrals.  Many are in ruins, although it looks like there are attempts to repair and restore.  The buildings are painted blue, red, yellow and more. 

The dining area.  Down the hall is the bathroom. 
My bedroom is behind the window.



My bed (for now.  I may be changing bedrooms as this is a room for two.)
If you look closely, you'll see my prayer shawl, teddy bear Barnabas
 - and I put my Yay & Yuck Ducks there, too!





This afternoon it stopped raining for a while, so I managed to snap a few pictures (tomar fotos).  Hopefully I can get a couple more, possibly of my school and some of the folks I’m meeting.









Corpus Cristi parade on Sunday



Church where Chris, Mike & I worshiped.





Three Months... the Beginning

FYI - Since we don’t have internet where I am living, I’ll be posting things a day or two after writing them.  (There’s WiFi at my school, Centro Linguistico Maya.)

Sunday, June 26:  I’m sitting on my bed, listening to Nuestro Dios, the Spanish version of “Our God ”, a Chris Tomlin song based on Romans 8:31.  The chorus declares, “And if our God is for us, then who can ever stop us, and if our God is with us, then who can stand against?”  What hope and assurance!!

It is Sunday evening, and it’s been an amazing couple of days.  I posted a somewhat frantic post yesterday morning (wow, that seems like ages ago!!).  Thank you for your prayers!  God has answered them in the most incredible ways.

As I was fretting yesterday morning, I got onto Facebook to let folks know my flight was delayed.  One of my dear friends was also on.  She told me to be on the lookout for those God wanted me to meet through this delay.  I am so blessed to have people in my life who point me back to Jesus!  I tend to start to worry about the details, and forget that God is ordering my days, even when there seems to be no order at all!

And, she was so right!  While waiting for my connection in Atlanta, I overheard a group reading scripture and discussing entering a new culture.  I went up and introduced myself.  It was a church group from Tennessee heading down to serve in a small community not too far from Antigua.  Their church has a real passion for missions, and has sent teams to Guatemala for many years, and also India, Ukraine and Costa Rica.  And, they’ve hosted a Perspectives class! 

When we boarded, I was rather surprised to find I was in First Class!  I guess they upgraded me when my flight was canceled.  I started to chat with my seatmate, and he was also with a team going down to do missions.  Dwayne was a retired Lutheran pastor whose ministry had been focused in rather rough inner cities in the U.S.  He traveled around the world, and had lots of fascinating stories of God showing up in simply amazing ways.   

Dwayne had also not expected to be in First Class.  He was staying an extra week so hadn’t booked with the rest of his team.  He hadn’t requested it and hadn’t even noticed it on his itinerary.  He said he didn’t know why he was in First Class.  I told him I thought it was because God knew I needed a friend.  I arrived in Guatemala City in awe, once again, of God’s love and provision.

I was met at the airport by Fernando (SI-Guat) and Brian (who is going back to SI-DR this summer with his family).  We got to Antigua an hour later and stopped by the school to meet the director, Arturo.  Then, it was on to my home.  The lady of the house is named Dona Cristi.  She speaks no English but has been hosting students and others for 40 years.  She is a widow, and lives here alone.  Four of her five children live on Long Island, and the fifth lives close by.  She takes in up to four boarders at a time. 

She is very sweet, and very patient with me as I stumble with my Spanish.  She is also very encouraging – telling me about other students who had not one word of Spanish but after four weeks could say a lot.  She is a devote Catholic, and has lots of pictures of Jesus throughout her home.

This morning I met two of my fellow boarders, brothers who are working at one of the local mission agencies called Common Hope.  They invited me to go to Mass with them.  Today is Corpus Cristi, the third most holy day for Roman Catholics.  The church was decorated with banners and outside they had made patterns on the street with pine needles and flower petals.  It was very pretty.

Several of the children were dressed up like angels for the parade after the service.  At certain points during the service what sounded like an air canon went off.  At other times, large bells were rung by enthusiastic little altar boys.  It was beautiful and even though, I didn’t understand most of it, but it was moving to be with the Body of Christ.

I spent some time alone walking around with my little map trying to find back my school.  Let’s just say, my total inability to find my way has not been transformed!  It should take around 2o minutes to walk from my home to school.  It took over an hour!  I tried again after a nap, and did better.  I’ll try to take some pictures tomorrow to show you the homes and streets. 

Tomorrow breakfast is at 7:00 a.m. and then I’m off to start classes!  Until next post, Dios Te Bendiga!  (God bless you) 

To the God of all Nations

This is my song, O God of all nations,
   a song of peace for lands afar, and mine.
This is my hope, the country where my heart is,
   this is my hope, my dream and my shrine.
But other hearts in other lands are beating
   with hopes and dreams that are the same as mine.
My country’s skies are bluer than the ocean,
   the sunlight beams on clover leafs and pine;
but other lands have sunlight too, and clover,
   and other skies are just as blue as mine.
O hear my prayer, thou God of all the nations,
   a prayer of peace for other lands and mine.

Anon (from Hear Our Prayer, my favorite collection of prayers)

The Lord willing, I will be in Guatemala when this is published.  I’ll be seeing new sights, new trees, new skies.  More than that, I’ll be seeing new faces, the faces of people who are created in God’s image.  I can’t wait to meet some of those ‘other hearts’ and share my hope in Jesus with them! 

I can’t wait to hear them sing their songs for peace, and to share with them that our loving God rejoices over them with singing.  Through Jesus, the God of all nations sings over us, and invites us to echo His anthem, teaching others to take up the melody, too.  What a privilege to be called to join in!! 

I hope to write soon from Guatemala, although I’m not sure what my internet will be like.  So, please be patient!  I’ll try to send a picture of my room and other things so you get a feel for this ‘other land’.  All for You, God of all nations, all for Your glory Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!     

Quick Update

Just a quick update and prayer requests: 

My flight this morning was canceled. 
Yuck Duck - I won't get to Guatemala until 9-ish CST. 
Yay Duck - I spent the night with dear friends, and even got in a walk in lovely Bridgewater!

Prayer Requests: 

In my efficiency, I canceled my Verizon email account so now I cannot get access to my updated itinerary.  I've been on the phone for 30 minutes and 4 different people so far...  Please pray I get this done soon!

I've been in touch with SI in Guatemala, and they are working on getting someone to pick me up.  Please pray all of that works out, too!

At MTI we talked about expecting the unexpected!!  So, I'm starting out this adventure with another adventure!  God is good, and I expect that no matter what happens, He is already taking care of it - in His time, and in His way.

Thanks, friends!!

Big

I’m sitting on my floor, laptop on my lap, avoiding the final bits of cleaning which need to be done.  It’s been a good few days.  Lots of stuff done, like cleaning, final visits with dear friends, two more boxes to the D.R. (hey, I should have realized that was going to happen!) 

In less than three hours one of my friends is picking me up for our final small group.  I’ll lock the door and 623 will no longer be my home.  Of course, it hasn’t looked like home for more than a month.  I’m spending the night with other friends who will take me to the airport early (early!) tomorrow morning.  And then…! 

Several people have asked me if it feels real, and honestly, it doesn’t!  I guess I shouldn’t mock those who keep telling me, “Good luck on your trip” because in some ways it feels more like I’m just heading out for a while, not moving away for good! 

How do I begin to say how much these past years have meant?  I don’t really have the words to explain what it was like to arrive in Harrisonburg so broken and hurting.  Shattered, in many ways.  I didn’t know God then.  I knew my heart was empty, but I didn’t realize the reason.  Or, that healing and redemption was waiting. 

God saw the Kim I was, understood my pain, loved me despite my unfaithfulness to Him, and then allowed me to be transformed by His love.  I’ve shared before, it is only because I have been gifted with so many faith-filled friends that I am able to leave here. 

Sure, there have been plenty of Yuck Duck moments.  That’s the condition of our groaning, broken earth.  But, our loving God has given me so many Yay Ducks!  Oh, they were rich and lovely, and were, quite simply, God. 

Each person has helped me to see God in new ways.  I’ve been challenged to understand that God is not just how I understand Him.  That along with a wideness in His mercy is a depth to His grace and love I only experienced through sharing with others.  What a joy to discover – and keep discovering! that He gets bigger and bigger. 

At MTI we read part of C.S. Lewis’ Prince Caspian, where Lucy sees Aslan.  The other children stay asleep, but she wakes, and sees him, and rushes to throw her arms around him.  She notices that he seems much bigger.  No child, he tells her, I am not bigger, but each year you grow, I’ll seem bigger.  (I’ve packed my English version, so the quote isn’t exact!) 

It brings me to tears to think of how much bigger God is today than my, frankly, infantile idea of Him back then.  He seemed bigger through Alpha, working at the church, my short-term trips to the D.R., Perspectives, mentoring, being mentored, loving others genuinely, and having them love the real me.   

Over the past six months He’s grown even more (or, really, I have!).  I try to imagine how I’ll see Him after time in Guatemala.  How He’s going to keep getting bigger and bigger until He fills all the world.  Of course, I cannot, because I haven’t grown there yet.  As you grow, I’ll seem bigger, Aslan told Lucy.  That’s my desire.  That as I draw closer and closer to Jesus, He fills more and more of my vision.  Until one day, I open my eyes, and all there is, is Him!

I pray, dear friends, that you, too, will sense His bigness.  That the way you see Jesus today will not be the way you see Him months, or years, from now.  Because you, too, will continue to see more and more of His bigness as you continue to grow.  Let’s keep encouraging each other to do so.  What a joy it will be when we can share our stories of our great God! 

Okay, now I’ve got less than 2 ½ hours!  Best get to it!  The Lord willing, I’ll next write from Guatemala.  Until then, may God bless you and keep you, may He make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.  May His light shine in you and through you, and may you be filled with His peace, which passes all understanding – and all cultural/language barriers!!

Bingo!

One of the things I’ve loved about living in Harrisonburg is all the connections.  Yes, it’s sometimes inconvenient to run into Walmart just for milk, and see four people I know.  But, it’s also fun to talk with someone at the gym whose mom worked with me, or finding out the woman selling me insurance has a son on the mission field who knows friends of mine from Perspectives. 

There’s a thing Dutch people (in North America) do called, “Dutch Bingo”.  It’s along the idea of ‘six degrees of separation’ which says each person on earth is connected to others by no more than six steps.  Get a couple of Dutch people together, and we can find connections.  I have a very dear friend here in Harrisonburg who is Dutch.  And… her parents just happen to live within a mile of my dad in Grand Rapids, her mom is also a CRC pastor, her sister and aunt went to Calvin… Bingo! 

Earlier this week I posted a Facebook comment on a friend’s wall.  Someone else jumped in and introduced himself.  Turns out he and his wife know someone I know from the D.R.  And, not just any someone, but a gal who interned at the El Callejon Social Work site my first year there in 2008.  The person who commented knows my friend’s family from Africa where they were serving in missions several years ago.  My new friend and his wife and son live across the country here, but have been to visit Jarabacoa.

Last week I talked with a young lady who is considering going on staff with S.I.  Her former Youth Director in New York put us in touch.  The two of us had got know each other in… you guessed it, the D.R.  I’m beginning to think maybe there’s a “Mission Bingo”!  Since dominoes is played a lot there, perhaps D.R. Dominoes?  Or, Six Degrees of Hudson Taylor?

To me, it was a small reminder of how our big God is right in this with me.  In the past few days I’ve had to say goodbye to a lot of friends.  I’ve got more of that in the next days.  But, I’ve also met two new friends who are connected to me in some way because of the path I am taking.  It doesn’t make the goodbyes less difficult, but it does give me hope –and even a feeling of excitement! – at how God is going to continue to provide relationships and community.

I am so blessed by the way God has been showing me He is truly able to do more than we can ask or even imagine.  If He can ‘randomly’ connect me to Jarabacoa, California, South Africa and Virginia, through technology and a Princess Bride quote (love that movie!) what else does He have planned?!  For me, as I leave, and also for the friends I am leaving.  Yes, there’s no ‘new Kim’ to just step in and take my place, but there will be others who can share in the lives of those I love here. 

And, just think of how cool it’s going to be to get to Heaven one day and see that great throng singing out praise to God!  People we’ll recognize, yes.  Even more, people we’ve never met, but somehow our lives helped someone, who helped someone else, meet Jesus, and so now they’re at the throne of God.  No longer will there be tears – or even one degree of separation!  It gives me goose-bumps! 

Until that day, I want to keep my eye out for the amazing gift of God’s connections.  Of His reassurance that He not only sees me, but is actively working out all things for my good and His glory.  I invite you to join in seeing your own Dutch Bingo (or D.R. Dominoes or Six Degrees.)  I think you’ll be amazed, too!  All praise to God and to the Lamb!  Holy, Holy, Holy!!

A Yuck Duck Kind of a Day

Yesterday I had to start saying my ‘final’ final goodbyes.  I’ve been telling Harrisonburg friends, oh, I’ll still be around, I’ll still see you.  Yesterday morning our church youth and leaders headed off for a weeklong retreat.  I won’t get to see them again here in Harrisonburg. 

At MTI we talked about saying goodbye well.  I’m afraid I’m not good at that.  Laura told me she loved me, but I couldn’t even get that out.  Instead I just stood there.  I’ll write it out later, trying to tell her – and others! – just how much they have meant to me.  So, that’s something, I guess.  How do you sum up years of friendship, tough times, fun stuff, long talks, shared memories?  I hate this! 

Last night was my final 6:33 worship service.  I was tempted to not go because I knew it would be bittersweet.  Our music director, who is a good friend, had Revelation Song as our final song.  He knows it's one of my favorites. 

Realizing it will likely be at least 18 months before I worship with my church family again made it hard to get out the words.  But what a gift to be reminded of why I'm going - to be a part of bringing some from all tribes, tongues, languages & nations to sing out Holy, Holy, Holy at the throne of God!

Today and tomorrow morning I’ve got to finish packing.  The Gift & Thrift truck comes at 2:30 tomorrow afternoon, and everything I’m not storing with friends or taking to Guatemala has to get on it.  Lots of my wonderful friends have volunteered to help, but this part I need to do alone. 

It was easy for a while, but now, with random things left over, I’m slowing down.  Do I really want to give away my Star Wars key rings, given to me by my amazing friend Geraldine?  Maybe I can keep a few, but which ones?  Luke, Hans Solo, R2D2?  Well, the last one is obvious, right?! 

How about the last few books?  I put Tim Keller’s newest on one pile, then another.  Some things are lightweight, so they’re making the cut.  But… do I really need them, or am I just holding on?  I’m beginning to drive myself crazy.  I’ve been at it two hours this morning, and all I’ve managed to do is move stuff from upstairs to downstairs.  I hate this part, too.

I’ve started the final goodbyes, and the hardest ones are still to come.  My ‘spiritual’ moms, my holiday family, my small group… Have I mentioned I hate this?!  Hate is a strong word, I know.  But, right now that’s how I feel.  This “final” final stuff is hard.  I know it has a purpose, I know I am following God’s call, I know joy will come.  But, today I’m feeling sorry for myself. 

At this time next week my current Spanish competency will be assessed, I’ll be meeting my new tutor, we’ll be planning my studies.  I’ll have already met my family and spent two nights with them.  Already walked around Antigua, Guatemala.  I’m looking forward to all of that, even though it’s equally exciting and terrifying (Yay and Yuck, right?!) 

But, today, I just want to sit and cry.  Cry over silly things like a Boba Fett key ring, and over really important things like sisters and brothers in Christ.  I’ll be fine in a while.  I really will be.  As we also learned at MTI, the fact that this hurts is a good thing.  It means I’ve loved and been loved.  But, as good as it is, ouch, does it ache. 

I’m just going to call today a Yuck Duck day.  Even in this, though, are Yays.  Yay that I’ll have dinner with good friends tonight.  Yay that I’ve got more fun meals to look forward to.  Yay that my air mattress seems to be holding air.  Yay that I’ve still got three servings of baked oatmeal waiting for me.  Yay that God is with me, inviting me to lean into Him.

Deep breath, nose blown, tears washed off face… Thank you, Father, for meeting me today.  Thank you that You are here.  Thank you for allowing me to hurt because it means these years in Harrisonburg, these relationships, matter.  Now, back to it!       

For Couples Who Befriend Singles

(Or, What Single Missionaries Wish Our Married Friends Knew, But Don’t Always Feel Comfortable Saying)

This is something we talked about at MTI.  Even though some of it is specific for the missions environment, I think it is applicable – and valuable! – for other settings, too. 

I’d love it if one of my married readers might have a list of things Singles need to know about being a good friend to Marrieds!  And, singles, if you have others to share, please let me know! 

I love the fact that single people, married people, young people, old people, are all different and each can add depth and beauty to our lives.  Each of us can help others to see a bigger picture of God by sharing how He has met us in our lives.  Let's celebrate together!  And, let's be gracious with each other - and ourselves, too!!

1.        DO treat me like an adult, not as a teenager or as your son or daughter.

2.       DON’T tell me I am incomplete without a spouse.

3.       DO recognize I have responded to God’s leading.

4.       DON’T extend pity in the cloak of friendship.  I have something to give you in this relationship.

5.       DON’T joke about the issue of marriage.  It’s not always easy being single.

6.       DO feel free to show me affection.  It isn’t easy being away from my family.

7.       DO include me in your family as a friend, not just as a babysitter or someone to watch the house.  Let me get to know you.

8.       DO enjoy me, and I will also enjoy you.

9.       DON’T think of me as a threat to your marriage.

10.   DO on occasion invite me out by myself.  I do not need to always be with the same singles.

11.   DON’T expect me to be able to do everything just because I am a missionary.  Nobody is self-sufficient.

12.   DO be sensitive.  Sometimes I need help and I don’t always know how to ask for it.

13.   DON’T assume I have time on my hands just because I don’t have a family.

(Source: Unknown)

Los Dos Patos

Yesterday I went to Walmart to pick up pictures from my time in MTI and to buy a few more last minute things.  I remember after being flooded out during Hurricane Floyd, I went to Walmart and Target almost every day.  Not for huge amounts of things.  I seemed to only be able to buy a couple of things at a time. 

It feels a little the same now.  I try to write out my list, but keep forgetting things.  Thankfully, it's only a mile to get there!  I'm sure there's some psychological reason for why this is happening again.  Probably something to do with feeling out of control, etc. 

On my trip yesterday, I found some little plastic ducks.  I had wanted to make my very own Yay Duck and Yuck Duck.  So I did.  Here's a picture of them.  They're kind of cute, aren't they?  (I wrote about it while I was at MTI: http://kimheartselcallejon.blogspot.com/2011/05/pair-of-ducks.html)

It's such a simple thing, but I find myself going back to it again and again.  

Yay Duck - I sold my furniture to a very good friend who really could use it.  Yuck Duck - with each thing gone, my place is getting less and less like a home.  Right now I'm sitting on a footstool with my laptop on my coffee table.  I'm sleeping on an air mattress so it feels a bit like I'm camping!   

Yay Duck - dinner last night with dear friends.  Yuck Duck - realizing that it's probably going to be at least a year before I see them again.  Each meal is a 'last supper' of sorts.  It's great to have time with those who have meant so much, but it's hard to say the things I want to say.  It still feels like I'm going to see them one more time!   

Yay and Yuck.  The Spanish word for Duck is El Pato.  I'll have to wait to learn words for Yay and Yuck (somehow El Pato Contento y El Pato Repugnante don't exactly roll off the tongue!).  In the meantime, I will continue to remind myself that God has been with me through all my Yays and Yucks.  He has been with those I am leaving, with those I am going to meet. 

I can't wait until I can share my story, share my "Patos", with my Guatemala family, and then with the women, teens and girls of El Callejon.   I can't wait to share the story God has been writing - and to hear (and understand!) the stories of others.  Now, back to packing... 

Couches & Choices

Yesterday evening I started moving things out of the way for when a friend comes to buy some of my furniture this morning.  I thought I was fine with it, but as I rolled up the area rug and vacuumed the couch cushions, I started feeling sad. 

It was on that couch eight years ago where I said “Yes” again to Jesus during Alpha.  It was there I recovered from surgery five years ago.  On that couch I prayed with, and for, sisters in Christ.  I had visits from family and dear friends.  I read, watched movies, relaxed.  When everything got to be too much, I could curl up on that couch for a nap.  I thought I was past these feelings, but there I was again. 

I had to stop my work to make a phone call to a young woman considering going on staff with S.I. down in the D.R.  I’d never met her, but a mutual friend put us in touch.  Even though we’d only exchanged a couple of emails, it was like we’d known each other for years.  What a joy to talk about her journey to this point, and share mine. 

As we talked, I started to regain my excitement in what I’m doing, where I’m going.  More than that, it was wonderful to spend time talking about our amazing God!  He is calling people to step out and serve Him all over the world.  To hear this new sister in Christ share how God has been at work in her, molding and breaking her heart for His children in the D.R., was a sacred gift. 

I’ve been so caught up in all that I need to do that I’ve not been allowing myself to think much about the next months and years.  I know I need to stay focused on the here-and-now because there’s so much to do.  But, it felt great to spend an hour remembering the reason I’m doing all of this.

I am choosing to limit some things about my life.  Limiting the amount of stuff I have, my comforts, my feeling of belonging, financial security, ability to communicate.  But, when I think about Jesus… Jesus chose to leave Heaven (Heaven!!) and limited Himself to a place and time.  He did this for His Father’s glory.  He did this because it was the only way to redeem this broken, hurting world.

Jesus didn’t ship a bunch of stuff on ahead of Him.  Instead, He arrived in the most vulnerable state possible.  Naked, tiny, unable to fend for Himself.  Limitless, Eternal God limited in every way.  Oh, what love!  When I stop and reflect His choices, I am stunned into grateful silence.  God is inviting me to be a part of His huge work.  By choosing to follow His call, I get to be a tiny reflection of His great love. 

I got off the phone and went back into the living room.  I still love that couch!  I’m going to miss it (and my kitchen table!) when I’m sitting on the floor for the next week!!  But, it’s worth it.  It’s worth it because God is worth it.  Back when I bought my furniture I could never have imagined the adventure God would be taking me on!  I get to stretch and grow and be challenged.  I get to share Him!

I went to bed praising God for providing just what I needed at just the time I needed it. Through my phone conversation last night, I was once again filled up and heartened.  There’s still much to be done.  But, I am choosing to follow because Jesus chose me first. 

I praise You, Father, for who You are.  Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me.  You are worthy of all my choices, all my life.  Holy Spirit, in Your power may I continue to choose You!

Ditching

My life right now consists of boxes and suitcases and garbage bags.  Boxes to ship to the D.R., boxes to store with friends in Harrisonburg, boxes and bags of things to donate, suitcases to take to Guatemala. 

Today I sent off my D.R. stuff – eight 16 inch X 16 inch boxes.  Clothes, shoes, some books, a few favorite knick-knacks, my lentil pot, spices, crosses…  We don’t use the mail system in the D.R. so they are heading to Agape Flights in Florida, a mission agency who serves other missionaries by delivering mail to countries like Haiti and the D.R.  The SI folks in Jarabacoa will store them for me until I get there. 

When I finally reunite with them after the summer, I wonder if I’ll shake my head at the things I decided to bring! 

How does it feel to know all the things I’m going to have for the next three years are heading away? Very honestly, all I’m feeling is relief that it’s gone.  It means one thing on my rather long list is completed. 

It’s discouraging because it took two and a half days to get those eight boxes packed.  I naively thought it was going to be five boxes and take one day.  I’m trying to quell my rising panic in being a day and a half behind my schedule!

 As I said, I am glad my D.R. boxes are finally gone.  Of course, when I look around my place, it doesn’t look any more empty!  I asked a friend if she needed any plastic hangers.  “NO!” she said, “Those things reproduce when you’re not looking.”  It feels like everything in my place is doing that! 

I know my packing style doesn’t help.  I may have mentioned that I tend to work in one room until it overwhelms me, then move onto another.  So, in between packing boxes, I’ve been going through my kitchen cupboards, my books, clothes, etc.  It means each room is a cluttered mess, but it also means I keep going.  It may not be the most effective technique, but hey, it’s working (mostly!).

I’m also trying to fit in lunches, dinners, coffee and such with friends, a final haircut, doctor’s appointment, Spiritual Direction, etc.  And, all the last minute things like banking, canceling utilities, etc.  It all needs to be done, but I worry that I’m going to get to Guatemala completely wiped out – not the best way to Exit my world, and Enter another – in a new language, too! 

I wonder, will I get to Antigua, Guat., and shake my head at how I chose to spend my last two weeks in Harrisonburg?

In some ways, MTI seems like weeks, not days, ago.  Last night I paged through my SPLICE binder.  There’s lots of great stuff in there we didn’t get time to review.  I want to have time to sit and ponder some of it, especially the sections related to Stressors and putting together a Stress Plan before major stress shows up!  (Like needing to get a month’s worth of things done in less than two weeks…?)

Outside the sun is shining, beckoning me to go join in the warmth and beauty.  The birds and trees and bugs and flowers must be shaking their heads, too, at all of us humans spending a lovely June day inside, instead of enjoying God’s creation. 

You know what,  I’m going to grab my iPod and head out.  An hour’s more packing today may be urgent, but reveling in the beauty of the Shenandoah Valley just seems like it’s more important.  I’m probably too old to ditch, but that’s what I’m going to do.  Somehow I think when I get to Guatemala I’ll be glad I did!

Trees and Tumbleweed

As I mentioned in my last post, my trip home from MTI was rather long and stressful.  But, oh, it is good to be home!  I loved the beauty and majesty of Colorado, but there is something about the Shenandoah Valley which is so… friendly.  And not just because we have that southern hospitality going on! 

The Blue Ridge mountains are closer and smaller, and compared to the imposing Rockies, almost gentle.  Everything here is lush and green.  The air itself is welcoming after the thin dryness out there.  I went for a run on Saturday, and even though I was working hard, I was able to draw in deep breaths. 

Of course, it’s a lot more humid here, too!  Even in the A.C. I can feel the moisture in the air.  And the weather here is as crazy as always.  I started my run in sunshine and heat.  About halfway through I heard thunder and looked up to see black clouds rolling in.  I finished as big drops started to fall.  The same thing happened yesterday.  Living in our Valley means the weather is never boring! 

Yesterday I Sabbathed.  I spent time resting and reading.  I finished a book I bought at SPLICE called The Gift of Being Yourself by David Brenner.  It was excellent, and I recommend it for anyone struggling with who you are in Christ.  As I’ve shared, that was definitely my biggest challenge while at MTI!  I’ve still got a long way to go, but since it’s a lifelong process, I’m learning to be okay with it!   

Today reality sets in again.  The reality that I have less than two weeks to pack away anything I plan to store with friends, ship things to the D.R. for my three years there, pack for my three months in Guatemala, sell what I can of the rest, then donate the remaining stuff.  Oh, yeah, also canceling things like utilities and my cell phone, signing up for insurance, final doctors’ appointments…

But, all of that is nothing compared to the real reality.  In less than two weeks I need to say goodbye.  Goodbye to the place I’ve lived for the past eight years.  The place that has become home, the place I started to come home.  Home to a relationship with Jesus, home to letting people see the true me. 

On Saturday I went to Target and ran into a friend.  Harrisonburg is a small enough place that I inevitably run into someone I know no matter where I go.  Yeah, when all I want is a gallon of milk and I’ve just been on the stepmill at the gym it’s a little less than fun!  But, it’s also a comfort to be a part of the place I live.  It took me a long time to feel that way, and now I’m pulling up those roots.

One of the instructors at MTI mentioned that when you pull up a plant, it starts to die within six minutes.  She said this in the context of talking about children and how essential it is to help them put down roots when they are moved.  That’s not just true for kids (or plants!). 

Here is another of the posters from my time at MTI.  Check out the face on the flower in the ‘Pulling Up’ stage.  You know how when you pull up a plant it can almost feels like you are tearing the roots?  That’s kind of how I’m feeling right now.  It hurts because I’ve put down deep roots here. 

In Colorado I saw some tumbleweed.  Those little shrubs that seem to have no roots at all, and just roll along, dry and pushed by whatever winds come.  In some ways I envy tumbleweed.  Barely scratching the surface, it can easily go from place to place, no attachments to get in the way.  Of course, it also doesn’t seem to flower or bear any fruit! 

So, while my temptation is to be like it, the truth is, I’m not made to be rootless.  Living like tumbleweed is not living as I’ve been created.  As I’ve shared, I had allowed the busyness of life to distract me from keeping a firm grip on Jesus.  Not freeing, it was terrifying!  As I leave this place I’ve got to stay attached to our True Vine. 

I’ve also got to root myself in the lives of others.  It’s not going to be easy for me, but I’m not doing it alone.  Our Master Gardener knows the soil I’m heading to, and He is preparing it even now.  What a comfort to know that as all my MTI friends head out, He is already there, getting the earth ready for their roots, too. 

As I look out back at the green leaves of the big trees behind my little place, I remember Psalm 1.  That’s my prayer.  To be planted in the Living Water, so I can bear fruit in season.  To do that, I need to leave this place and trust that before I begin to wither, God will provide new soil.  He has abundantly provided in the past, and so I’m taking a deep breath of Valley air and submitting myself to the uprooting process. 

Storms and Our Pilot

Yesterday was our final day at SPLICE.  I kept waking up throughout the night thinking about all the things I’ve been learning, and thinking about all that faced me back home.  Since it takes me a longer time than some to develop relationships, I was just starting to figure out my place, and just beginning to really connect with friends, and then it was time to say goodbye.  It makes me sad. 

We ended our final session with a time of worship.  The last song we sang was a reworking of an old hymn called Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me.  The first verse says, “Jesus, Savior, pilot me/Over life’s tempestuous sea/Unknown waves before me roll/Hiding rock and treacherous shoal/Chart and compass came from Thee/Jesus, Savior, pilot me.” 

It was beautiful to sing out this prayer together, knowing each of us there is heading, in many ways, into unknown waters.

It was also very appropriate!  I got to the airport to find out there had been literal storms through Chicago causing delays.  I managed to get off in Colorado on time, but planes were backed up at O’Hare.  It’s a helpless feeling to sit watching the minutes tick down, knowing the chances of catching the next flight are slipping away. 

I landed in Dulles at 9:45 p.m., 45 minutes later than scheduled.  My flight to the small regional airport 20 minutes from home was to leave at 9:59 p.m.  I had 15 minutes to find my next gate and then attempt to catch the plane.  I landed in “C”, the big board said my next gate was in “A”.  And the plane was ‘Boarding’. 

Off I ran.  Up escalators and around, through long hallways, down to the train.  Off the train, up an escalator, then down one, then another hall, then up again, down again… even with just a small bag, my legs started protesting.  I got to my gate at 10:00.  Closed. 

I saw a flight boarding for Charlottesville, another regional airport close by.  I ran up.  Can I get on this flight?  I was interrupting his boarding process, and I had to wait until he was done before he informed me there was nothing he could do for me. 

Despite all my best efforts, Closed.  I had tried, I really had.  All my running, all my hard work, and nothing.  I was hot and sweating and frustrated.  I had texted Paul and Laura, who were picking me up, to tell them I might miss.  Now I had to text them again.  Instead of a quick trip, they were now facing 2 hours up and 2 hours back. 

But, we weren’t done yet.  There were bands of storms moving up I-81.  Driving through the mountains at 2:00 a.m. with sheets of water hurtling at you is no fun.  And, the lightning flashes up ahead told us we were driving into plenty more!  Because the highway kind of follows a valley, the storms seemed caught directly in our path. 

At one point we couldn’t even see the road through the deluge.  And then we started hearing hail.  Oh, yeah, it just kept getting better and better…

I sat in the back wanting to apologize for putting my friends through this.  It was my fault they were up in the middle of the night, it was my fault they were tense and anxious.  With each band of pounding rain, I felt worse.  It was relentless and there was nothing I could do. 

That trip home was like my life right now.  I’m doing the best I can, but things still are out of control.  The people I love are also caught up in it.  What I want to do is apologize to them, but of course, that’s not actually helpful – or even appropriate! 

Because they love me, my friends were there for me in the middle of the night, giving up a cozy bed and driving through a nasty mess.  I had to sit and allow them to do that.  That’s not going to change in the next weeks and months.  More friends will be impacted by more storms.  It will not be helpful – or appropriate! – for me to apologize for those, either.

Last night I resisted the temptation to take responsibility for the storms.  Instead, I kept still so Paul could drive.  And, I prayed.   Jesus, Savior, be our pilot.  Keep us in Your care.  You know the way, guide us.  You know I cannot do anything to help.  Be our help. 

The final lines of the song say “May I hear Thee say to me/Fear not I will pilot thee”.  We made it safely home last night.  I need to continue to trust that each of us, my SPLICE friends, my family and other friends, are being led by the One who not only charts our course, but created the stars (and storms) themselves.  In Him alone is our only safety. 

Friends, our Pilot is sure.  His invitation is to ‘fear not’.  I’m praying for the courage to hear, to trust, to obey.  For me, for you. 

Jesus, Savior, up ahead are storms and treacherous rocks and unknown dangers.  Be our strong and steady guide.  Thank you for bringing us safely home last night.  Thank you for the promise that You are with us always, to the end of the age.